Above: Weston Luke (top photo) last September. He was less than a year old. (bottom photo) Weston this September, at 21 months old. My how he had changed in a year! He was growing up fast!
This morning I am on my way to work at OU. After that I have to deal with insurance issues regarding Weston. I have to get Weston taken off of our insurance plan. This is a very hard thing to do. Having his name removed from our policy is an admission that he is gone. This is not easy, but is necessary. This is something I never would have dreamed I would be doing this fall.
There are so many details and logistics that have to be handled after the death of a loved one. Each decision, each issue, is a difficult reminder of the horrible event that has taken place. It is awful to be in this position. Erin and I are generally strong people, and this may be one of the first times in our lives we have been floored to the point of indecision. Yet we are flooded with important decisions.
So how do we make it? Sometimes we don’t. Some people say, “be strong!” Well, actually….no. You don’t have to “be strong.” This is one of those times when its ok to be weak. It’s ok to allow your faith in God to take over. Let Him carry you, let Him help you. I am incapable of being strong right now. That’s why I pray, and that’s why I lean on Christ.
Thank you to all who have continued to pray for us, even though it has been a month after Weston’s death. We still deal with it every moment of every day as if it happened yesterday. So thank you for your prayers.
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People have such a skewed view of Strength. Strength is NOT bucking up , moving on and “forgetting”. Strength is in waking up in the morning, finding the reasons to breath. Strength is in living and LOVING. Strength is in memories. Strength is being able to smile through the pain because you remembered a sweet moment. Strength is in the little things. It’s not as big a feat as we make it out to be. You don’t have to FEEL strong to BE strong. You don’t have to be Superman to be strong. You only have to have a heart filled with God and Love. With that my friend, you have won the battle.
You don’t know me but my cousin e-mailed me a few weeks ago asking us to pray for you guys. Since then I have been checking your blog from time to time and I cry every time I do. My husband and I lost our firstborn, her name was Sarah. But our circumstances were totally different. She was born premature and only lived a couple of days. That was hard enough, I can’t imagine what it must be like for you. We have a 3 year old boy now but not a day goes by that I don’t think about Sarah. I’ll see mothers with their little girls and think what it would be like if she were here. But I know she is waiting for us in a better place. What really makes me cry when reading your blog is thinking about my son, Daniel. I can’t possibly know what you all are going through but I have thought about what it might be like. I went to clean Daniel’s bathtub the other day and there were scribbles and drawings ALL OVER the bathtub walls (from his bathtub crayons). I thought of you guys and how hard it would be seeing that if he were no longer here. Anyways, I just wanted you to know that there are people out there praying for you that you don’t even know. Your faith in God is truly an inspiration.
Lori
Still praying everyday for you and logging on everyday to check to see how you and Erin are doing. Weston is heavy on my heart, always on my mind and always in my prayers. I continue to look to you and learn from your immense TRUST and FAITH. I am so grateful to be able to witness this walk of yours and grow as a Christian.
God Bless You today and always…
Meg
Thanks Meg – it’s good to hear from you.
Clay and Erin,
I just want you to know I am still thinking about you and praying for you.
Aunt Linda